Back to work. Total sell-out. But this book will get done by December 30th of this year. It may mean less blogging, but the writing will continue because the goal is in place, and it’s not moving.

In the meantime, all this time off from blogging has made me forget how to do it. I’m feeling a bit rusty, but it still feels good so I’m going to push through it and see where it leads me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about myself and my personality and how my eagerness to believe that the human race is generally a benevolent one might be an overall hinderance to my life, both professionally and personally. I am admittedly naive. My first impression of most, is that I like them, they are good people just trying to get by in a difficult world, and if they do shitty things sometimes, its probably because they genuinely feel like that is the best way to handle a shitty situation. I generally tend to error on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt. This is not superficial, “I want to try to see the good in everyone” hippy crap, it’s honestly the way I view the world. And It usually makes me happy…until it doesn’t.

When someone says they will get back to me, I believe them and wait patiently. When I’m told that my concerns have been heard and something will be done about them, I believe them and wait patiently. When I call any customer service agent for any reason, I am kind and make jokes and explain the situation instead of giving them an ear-full of anger for something they had no control over. I really believe this is the best way to handle most situations…until it isn’t. I give people chances and I forgive and forget quite often. This probably makes me a sucker, but it’s how I was made and what I’ve grown into. I know most people will try to take advantage of those of us who view others in this way, and that sucks, but what is the alternative? Being angry and mean every time something small goes wrong? Treating people like they have wronged me even if they haven’t just because I am sure they are probably planning to whenever the opportunity arises? It’s not really my style. I choose blissful ignorance. I choose to be a sucker. I choose to believe that there are more people like me in the world than people who want to screw me over. And I choose to believe that if I treat others kindly, that hopefully, they won’t want to screw me over. I’m probably insane, but maybe insanity is also better than the aforementioned angry alternative.

I have never really been a religious person. The faith I have has never aligned with any structured belief system. My faith is in humanity and the connections we build with one another. In our ability to be good and kind and to treat one another fairly. Eventually, everyone needs a break, a second, third or even fourth chance. We should be willing to give them. Mistakes are how we learn to better ourselves. Making peace gives peace. I think I have officially lost it. It’s probably the sunshine. I need to go find where I left my awesome bitchy humor, because this shit is getting sappy (and I have yet to make fun of you this whole post. You’re welcome.)

I guess for a society that is always wanting and hardly ever content, I am searching for ways to make myself realize that the basics are probably what create contentment, you know, the golden rule and all that jazz. Our whole lives we are waiting for things to happen. For milestones to pass or for dreams to come true. When we are kids we can’t wait to be adults. When we are adults, we realize how much it blows and want to be care-free kids again. It’s exhausting. Why can’t we just wade through all of the subliminal garbage and be content right now? I’m beginning to think we get farther and farther away from our true selves every single time we pass up an unselfish opportunity. Random acts of kindness feel really good and make you realize how small most of your worries really are. They are a gift you give to others, but mostly to yourself. I’m beginning to think that none of this is probably going to make any sense.

Bottom line is, yes, I’m probably a sucker, but at the risk of becoming something I don’t believe in, I embrace my sucker-ness and will try to recruit you all to be suckers with me. Give it a try, you might like it. After all, I’m the happiest sucker you’ll ever meet…probably.